How Do I Forgive My Husband For Having An Affair?

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Map to ForgivenessHow do I forgive my husband for having an affair? Unfortunately, women have been asking themselves that question for a number of years. If your were to do an internet search for cheating stats in relationships you will find statistics that range from 10% of people in relationships admit to cheating all the way to well over 50%. Whatever the true number is its quite evident affairs are very prevalent in today’s society.

Men have been historically thought of as bigger cheaters than women, but that gap started closing in the last couple of years. According to Robin Milhausen, PhD, a professor at the University of Ottawa says 23% of men report cheating, and 19% of women cheating. 31% of those relationships manage to survive after the affair comes to light. Those numbers may seem discouraging, but they can be over come.

Give Yourself Time and Space

Finding out your spouse had an affair is deflating. In order to process it in the healthiest way possible you should give yourself time and space. Having to look the person who brought so much pain and chaos into your life so soon after it happens only adds to the mess.  You need time to process your emotions being smothered by your husband won’t help you do that.

Once you begin to get a handle on your emotions you will naturally start to think about the long term future of your relationship. Trying to make your future plans from such a hurt mindset is a bad idea. The time and space will take some of the sting out of your spouse’s actions. Once that happens you will be able to decide what you want with a clear head.

Your Spouse’s Actions Are Not Your Fault

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking it was your fault he cheated. While cheating is almost always an indication of a deeper problems in the  marriage, you still didn’t make him break his vows. That was his choice, and if he doesn’t take ownership of his indiscretion it should go a long way in telling you where his head and heart is as it pertains to your marriage.

If you decide you want to try and fix your marriage, the two of you are going to end up doing a lot of heart wrenching work to find and address all of the underlying problems in your marriage. That is when you will need to take ownership of your part of the problems in your marriage. The long term success of your marriage hinges on fixing those problems. If they don’t get fixed, there is a very good chance your spouse will cheat again.

Make the Best Decision For Yourself and Your Children

Other than healing the only job you have is to protect your children. You don’t want their father’s actions to effect them anymore than absolutely necessary. That means being cordial to him, and co-parenting with him even if you don’t want to.

When it comes time to make a decision about whether you want to stay in your marriage long-term don’t let yourself be manipulated into a decision that isn’t truly yours. Even though you aren’t the one cheated, you are going to have to do a lot of heart wrenching work if your marriage is to survive.

If you decide to stay in your marriage you are going to have to truly forgive, and move on. You will not be able to do that if you feel like you were manipulated into staying in your marriage. Once you are comfortable with your decision follow through with it.  Let the past be the past, and move forward.  If you can’t do that you probably made the wrong decision.

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